Pt. 1 Ch. 4 - Page 8
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MistakeNPotatoes
30th Sep 2015, 10:32 AM

More o' these two. I'm nervous that I'm spending too long on dialogue segments after the action sequence... still learning, here, heh.

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MistakeNPotatoes
30th Sep 2015, 1:29 PM

Edit - Oh good lord I forgot to add the last bit of dialogue in there. I'm sorry, guys, I'm really sick and my brain is swimming with cold meds. Without that last word balloon this page was especially dull, heh...

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MadJak91
30th Sep 2015, 11:02 AM

The dialogue is worth read though and gives away their personality and/or opinions.
Plus you spent like a month on the whole intense fight part so it is only natural to switch to "calm after the storm" to change it up a bit.
Speaking as a noob :D

Siiigh.
You know... I REALLY want to support my buddy Hugh here but I feel that he is being naive right now.
Sure, there was not much to show whether the others wanted Marco to be OK. I mean, they are bros playing cards and such but as soon as he mission started, it was different. No one except Hugh showed much remorse towards Jack (not counting Jaunt) if I am not mistaken.

Hugh is being TOO nice and Marco is being TOO stubborn. They are both... kind of right but not really, I guess?

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MistakeNPotatoes
30th Sep 2015, 1:35 PM

It was more like two months!

But yeah, I was hoping some more character development would be placed best here. I can say we're just a few weeks from another exciting development, though, so look out for that!

It seems like Hugh barely fits in, doesn't it? Maybe the others are trying to get him 'caught up', so to speak..

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Twilight
1st Oct 2015, 8:00 AM

I dunno, Chase was ready to unload onto him and probably would have if Jaunt didn't warn him that he was about to be overrun from more Deep Ones walking in from the tide. If Jaunt was more concerned about killing the humans than his men's lives, then all he would have to have done was say nothing, and the humans probably would have been overrun - mission accomplished.

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MadJak91
1st Oct 2015, 10:43 AM

The things is: What Jaunt REALLY wants?
We do not know. MNP does a good work at keeping Jaunt mysterious and hard to guess.
It fits. Who is more predictable? Humans/deep ones with their standard thinking based on experience and logic OR some thousands of years old being who has seen everything?
MNP presents that very well.

Not saying your are wrong. We both have our own opinions about Jaunt at this point :)

Maybe Jaunt cares 100% about his men or maybe he wants to implant the following into them very slowly and carefully: "I saved you back then so now you are required to perform the following command."
I am guessing he sees much farther into the possible future than the others but definitely NOT everything (the whole debacle for example).
A good leader is a talented liar among other things. Not necessarily evil. So called "white lies."

Speaking as a simple reader who might be waaaaaay off track here ;)

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zaika
30th Sep 2015, 1:05 PM

Character development is good! I love getting to know your characters. Action sequences are awesome, but yeah, a little breathing room is a-okay.

And what a big baby! I want to squish him and pet him and call him George!

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MistakeNPotatoes
30th Sep 2015, 1:36 PM

They're both babies in their own way XD

Something tells me Hugh would be way more susceptible to squishing and the calling of George :'D

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ChilPhil
30th Sep 2015, 3:07 PM

I hope you feel better soon Mistakenpotatoes. And you too Marcus, or whatever you want to be called. I've been called worse.

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Taily
30th Sep 2015, 8:08 PM

Ahhhh the emotion here is really good. Well done, man!!

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IllustratorMan
1st Oct 2015, 12:05 AM

As I'm reading this, I cant help but cue the moody music from the Progressive retro commercials in my head. :D

Looks great!

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Holodrum
1st Oct 2015, 12:08 PM

Very well. From hence-forth you shall only be know as "Trogdor the Pecsenator". Or just Pecs for short.

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